“Great Personality!” Spicy Chiptole Guacamole

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HOWDY!

Welcome to the first ever post of my first ever attempt at breaking into the blogosphere!       >>Cue heavenly choir<<

No?

Ok…

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It may kinda sorta look like a bowl of cartoon christmas vomit but man can I tell you: it doesn’t taste like a bowl of cartoon christmas vomit.

Yesterday, I decided that I really wanted some fancy, better-than-you-can-find-at-Safeway bacon so I made the thankfully short drive down to the Harbor East Whole Foods and went a little crazy.

Needless to say, you should never go food shopping while hungry, especially at an over-priced specialty foods store. I cannot even begin to defend my reasoning behind purchasing $40 of meats from the butcher counter. Blah blah blah.

POINT OF THE STORY: They were having a sale on avocados so I bought like…100.

I actually bought 4, and they actually weren’t on sale so I ended up paying $8 for avocados when I was expecting to pay $5!

So with this ample amount of avocado I decided to look up some snazzy new guacamole recipes. Fun Fact: I have always had a special place in my heart for the beautiful pepper known as the chipotle, so I’m always looking for new dishes to Frankenstein it into.

image from http://www.barefeetinthekitchen.com/image courtesy of barefeetinthekitchen.com

For y’all who feel up for learning somethin’ today: A chipotle is really just a smoke-dried jalapeño! While they aren’t nearly as spicy as their RAW brethren, they do however have a much richer, smokey flavor. And in my correct humble opinion, they are just to die for!

So here I was, scouring the vast interwebs in the midmorning sun when I stumbled upon a glorious recipe over on whatsgabycooking.com. It sounded pretty good and she seemed to know the right amount of chipotle to incorporate, but…it was just lacking the face-melting heat that I often crave in my Mexican dishes (as well as fresh onion…which is like…necessary for guac…duh). So I threw some more ingredients in, changed the proportions a little bit, and now I’m CLAIMING IT AS MY OWN MWUAHAHAHAHA~!

Erm.

Eh-hem.

Anyway, I call it “Great Personality!” guacamole because the amount of reddish chipotle and adobo that goes into the very quite extremely green avocado makes this dish kinda brown even before it starts to oxidize.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADOOOOOOO:

Please don't mock the weird top of the guac. He's really self conscious about it.

Please don’t mock the weird top of the guac. He’s really self conscious about it.

“Great Personality!” Spicy Chiptole Guacamole

Ingredients:

  • 3 avocados (Haas if you wanna be hip) // cubed
  • 1 lime // juiced
  • 0.25 red onion // finely chopped
  • 1 – 2 chipotle peppers (I go for like…4 and then it’s gross) // finely chopped
  • 2 garlic cloves // minced and squished
  • 1 tsp minced serrano chilies // minced…obviously (control your more aggressive heat level here)
  • 1 tbsp adobo sauce (just scoop it outta the can!) // sauced
  • (sea) salt & pepper to taste // tasted

The How-To:

  1. I like to start by throwing all the cubed avocado into a large bowl and squeezing the lime juice all over! By thoroughly coating your ‘cado now, the less brown the overall product will be (and believe me, every little bit helps this Ugly Betty out).
  2. Now you have one of two options: either throw in the rest of the ingredients one by one as you chop ’em up, or as I prefer, you can chop them all up together into one big mass of chopped stuff and then MUSH that mixture into the avocado with a fork. I prefer this method because I like to tell myself that it gets all of the flavors incorporated nicely and more evenly dispersed through the finished product.

 

Disclaimer: I am not liable for the costs of any new jeans that you may require after consuming massive amounts of this creamy guacamole heaven dip. I certainly know that I’m already disgusted at the amount I’ve eaten today.

Storage tip: Shit this crap is already so browny, we want to keep it from oxidizing as much as possible. To do this, instead of just throwing this guacamole into a tupperware, press down a layer of plastic wrap down directly onto the top of the dip. This will lessen the amount of air in contact with your precious goop and thus slow down the oxidization process. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! 

 

Thanks for reading, ya little sprouts!

❤ J

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